The Identity Shift Nobody Talks About When You Become Self-Employed

I thought becoming self-employed meant I’d become my own boss and I’d be in charge of my time, and now I would write my own timetable.

And it did… and it also turned out to be a big old identity crisis.

Obviously there were practical things to learn.

Pricing.

Marketing.

Websites.

Systems.

Strategy.

Invoices.

The mildly horrifying discovery that nobody is going to deposit a salary into your bank account simply because you have been worked very hard all month.

Interestingly, it no longer pays to spend a lot of time spinning your wheels once you become your one and only employee…

If I can offer you my top tip, it would be to cut that out right now.

But those weren't necessarily the biggest changes.

The biggest change was me.

Nobody tells you how much employment shapes your identity

For most of my adult life, my day was governed by other people’s rules.

Their hours.

Their timetable.

Their expectations.

Job descriptions.

Policies and proceedures.

Their random decision that a particular number = a salary.

Someone else had decided everything.

Then I became self-employed and suddenly there was no structure telling me:

This is important.

Do this now.

You've done enough.

You can go home.

Quickly, I began discovering how many decisions I'd outsourced for years without even realising.

Suddenly my energy became a business asset

This was one of the biggest revelations.

When I was employed, I could be exhausted and still technically do my job. It wasn’t ideal because there’s a high cognitive load working in mental health… but I could if I had to.

I could drag myself through.

I could push myself… I was very very good at this.

I could ignore my body completely.

I became extremely good at overriding myself.

Self-employment changed that COMPLETELY.

If I wanted to create something, it was up to me.

If I wanted to work with clients, I needed energy.

If I wanted to write, teach, think, promote my work, make decisions or have an idea worth pursuing, I needed the energy to do it.

Suddenly looking after myself wasn't something I was supposed to squeeze in at weekends.

It was part of my working day.

WTF?

Then there's money…

Nothing will highlight your beliefs about the value of your work quite like requesting payment.

When I first started working with clients, I encountered a conflict I hadn't anticipated.

How can I charge someone who's struggling?

How can helping people be spiritual if money changes hands?

I had a fuck ton of work to do on my money beliefs and on appreciating my work.

It took me a while to understand that I wasn't charging somebody for my worth.

They were investing in the transformation that working with me made possible.

I was running a practice.

There was training.

Insurance.

Supervision.

Association membership.

Continuing professional development.

Savings.

Investments.

Time.

Experience.

Energy.

And, rather importantly, a human being providing all of it who also required food and a roof over her head.

Suddently I had to start considering Future Freddy in a way I’d never considered her before. I had to start making decisions that were kind and considerate of my future self. It felt crazy!!! SO GROWN UP!!!

Learning to receive became part of sustaining the work AND ME.

I had to stop waiting for… permission

This might have been the biggest identity shift of all.

Employment had trained me to do what I was told...

Or if you’re me, complain about having to do what I was told.

Something needed doing; I did it.

I was a bit of a Jill of all trades in most of my jobs. So not only was I doing what I was told, I was everybody’s everything.

Self-employment required me to change that up.

What do I want to create?

What kind of work do I want to do?

Who do I want to work with?

What if I don't want to do it the way everybody else does?

What if the sensible option makes me miserable?

What if the weird idea is the good one?

What if I don’t want to sit in an office opposite my clients all day, what if I want the freedom to work online?

There’s nobody telling you you're doing anything correctly.

At some point you have to decide.

Becoming self-employed meant becoming more… me…

I honestly just thought I was changing the way I earned a living.

In reality, I was changing my relationship with authority, resources, creativity, money, time… everything.

And I don't think we talk about that enough.

The transition from employee to entrepreneur isn't merely professional.

It’s personal.

You're no longer asking:

What work can I get?

You're asking:

What work do I want to create?

And somewhere in the process, another question appears:

Who do I need to become to create it?

For me, that has turned out to be the real work.

If you’re in a season of change and you want someone riding shotgun with you, check out The Gold Standard. I got you!